Jasmine Hart

I agree with everything smorgish said in his second paragraph. This is very interesting, but I'd try making both the plot and the characters more subtle. Sunshine also makes a ...

I love it Matt, as usual. It's so powerful. In the second line, I might try saying; 'That I forget that I'm alive.' as I think it works better with ...

I liked the first one. 'Sixty percent of the time' may serve you better. I really enjoyed The lovely 'haiku de chip'. I would not change it. The next one ...

Via is wise, listen to her. I'd add that imagery will help. Maybe describe what Love looks like, and how it has become your worst enemy. I'd describe the guy, ...

First I'd make your I's capital, and put a full stop after 'be.' I'd suggest reading poetry, and using imagery. Show, don't tell. I'm not sure your theme is great ...

I'd cut the repetition as it really doesn't add to this. I'd suggest using punctuation. And I'd kindly ask you not to use the word 'retarded' in your poetry. You ...

Ok...that's weird...I was just thinking about the original poem earlier,(can't quite remember why...) but I couldn't remember the name. I really like it Kit. The rhythm is perfect, and I ...

I really liked the first two stanzas.They flowed well and I liked how you expressed yourself. I think the last two stanzas are much weaker by comparison. I think that; ...

I really liked this. The flow is great, your imagery is beautiful, and I love how you've expressed yourself.I especially loved; "Climax turned anti-climax. " and "copper to green". It's ...

Sonnet! Yay! I love sonnets! :) This is really great, I really enjoyed it. You handed the form really well, your imagery is brilliant, and you tell the stoy well. ...

I really like this, Lizzy. I'd cut 'my' before 'love"...I can't really explain why, just going with my instincts here... I'd get rid of the comma after "soon". I'd change ...

This is a really lovely piece. I love the flow and the rhyme, and the ending is great. I think the rhythm is a little off in places. Maybe try ...

The first line here is really great. I'm not sure that this really benefits from the rhyming scheme which you use. It seems to be a little restrictive in parts, ...

Oh wow. Liz, this is absolutely amazing. I really love it. It's so beautiful, and you express yourself so well.The flow is perfect and your imagery is wonderful. I especially ...

This was brilliant, Liz. So fresh and original. The format was really interesting and you used stream-of-conciousness to great effect. I especially loved; "so your eyes can become an oil-painting ...